OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
