dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the condom got lost in my hair
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
