I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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