my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
