I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
