my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
