These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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