if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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