That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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