I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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