drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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