Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
