Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
