hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
