her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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