I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
