I wish I could teleport
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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