We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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