I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
