and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
