hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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