pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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