That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
