If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
