Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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