Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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