I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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