hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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