You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
