Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
