Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
