Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
