The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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