i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
