Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
