Where is the hickey?
from now on my penis is your penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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