Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
