Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize