I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
