Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize