I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
