Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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