It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
