Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
