I love black thongs
i already hear my dad disowning me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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