Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
