omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
