Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
