I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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