My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
