Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize