It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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