is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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