I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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