if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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