she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
