just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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