if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Too much gin, very little bucket
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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