Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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