Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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