it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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