I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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