I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need to align my fucking chakras
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
