marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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