I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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