It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm always down for nudity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
